Sunday, 30 December 2007

I'll Be Back Next Week. Or, How I Became a Prize Idiot.

That was the stupidest idea ever, getting some random guy to give Ralph my number. STUPID. I feel like a prize idiot. Which is probably because I am one. Ralph stopped looking across into our store, and it's entirely possible that he was hiding from me when I was talking to my friend in our store today. God. I should have just kept talking to him. Now we probably won't be friends. I feel like such a dick.

My friend, we'll call him Public Enemy Number 1 went into their store and said, "Sixteen Secrets likes you, here's her number." Ralph said, "thanks," although according to Public Enemy Number 1 it sounded more like, 'fuck off.' He hasn't texted me. I'm not surprised at all. I'd be running for the hills if I were him. Do I talk to him when I get back and act like nothing happened, or do I talk to him and apologise for my friend's behaviour and say how embarrassed I am?

Sigh. I'll be back in a week, with hopefully more inspiring tales than this.

Friday, 28 December 2007

Big Day.

Tomorrow is a big day. My friend is going to give Ralph my number. I know I should do it, but that's never going to happen. So tomorrow, Alec is going to go in and say that I think Ralph is hot and hand over my number. Except, he's going to do it as though I have nothing to do with it, and have no idea that Alec has done it. I figure that way, if Ralph isn't interested in taking things any further, he can just act like Alec never spoke to him. Complicated and stupid, I know, but at least something might actually happens, even if we just become awesome friends.

Ralph poked his tongue at me today. And contrary to Stupid Friend's belief, I did not want to suck on it. I just thought that was cool that he'd done such a thing at all.

I'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow, and then I won't be back for a week because I'm going to the beach to spend all my time tanning. Hooray for Summer!

Thursday, 27 December 2007

Clothing Curse

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas :)

It's mufti at work for the next fortnight, which is great. It gives me a chance to impress Rob, even if guys don't notice those things. Although, a friend walked past today and said I looked 'damn fine.' 

However. It makes life much more difficult. If I didn't have a crush on SAWG - who's name we'll change to something more exciting, like... Ralph - I'd just chuck anything on. But I can't, because everyday I have to look good. I just don't have that many clothes. I'm in uniform at school, and uniform at work, so I just don't need that many, so it makes life very difficult, as I'm sure you can imagine. And then today I looked really good, and Ralph wasn't even working! It's rather irritating. I might have to go op-shopping and see if I can pick up any bargains.

Sunday, 23 December 2007

Merry Christmas

I probably won't give you a chance to wish you all a lovely Christmas because I'm working tomorrow, and of course the twenty fifth will be taken up by, well, Christmas. I hope you all have a wonderful day, and may Santa bring you lots of goodies.

May Santa bring me SAWG, who is 21 (so too old :P) and went to art school.

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, 20 December 2007

Progress?

Things just keep getting better and better. Yesterday SAWG was working late nights (it's nearly Xmas, folks!) and so was I. We don't get customers, neither do they. So he, this other awesome guy who works in their store (we'll call him Blue Shirt) and I just talked to each other the whole time. It was so much fun. We closed earlier than them and I went and talked to them as they closed up for the night. Blue Shirt showed me pictures of his baby and then I met his partner. I was flirtatiously rude (I hope) to SAWG. THEN. This is the most exciting part. They locked their doors and I walked along the road with SAWG. Who's name I actually know now. We walked. We talked. We flowed. And he is so awesome and I am more in love than ever :p

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

Age Gap

My friends spied SAWG yesterday. They think he's cute and has "very pretty eyes." But the question still remains of his age. I'm unsure. One friend thinks late 20's, but I disagree with that because he still has that almost baby faced look of young men. Two friends think he's about 19, whilst another says early 20's. My question is, how young is too young for him? I'm seventeen now, and I would say that if he's 21, that's the oldest I can date, but how do guys look at it? I have no issues in dating older guys, because the guys my age are dicks, but what's the youngest a man will date? When does the age gap become wrong?

Sunday, 16 December 2007

Love across the Way.

SAWG and I talked again yesterday. He approached me all three times, which shows promise. As already mentioned, I work in a bookstore, and out front we have large tables full of books. I was tidying these up when he came up from one pile, and moved it to another pile. I could almost consider that to be flirting. My aim next time is to be more playful... Drop the hint that I am TOTALLY in love with him. And introduce myself, and get his name. Scary!

Thursday, 13 December 2007

We Talked!

We talked! SAWG and I had a conversation. The fire alarm at the mall went off and he saved me from a freaky old people conversation! We talked! 

Tuesday, 11 December 2007

Christmas Wish

There aren't really any physical objects I want for Christmas. Well, no named objects at least. Sure, I want books and stuff like that, but I can't specifically name them. In saying  that, I do want stuff for Christmas, and so these are this year's Christmas Wishes:

  • I wish... for my page views to go up. I know that's pathetic, but I'd really like this to become a popular and regularly visited blog with heaps of comments etc. Ideally, I'd like to do this without posting any more pictures, but I do enjoy posting photos. Maybe I could find another site to launch them on.
  • I wish... for my back to stop hurting constantly. It's because I don't do enough exercise, so it's really my own fault. It still hurts, though.
  • I wish... to find another way to make money. I need about 6500 NZD to pay for my school trip to Europe next year. My parents are paying for some, and I've made about $2000 through my job, but I would like some source of legal alternative income.
  • I wish... for the girl at work to leave because I don't like her very much.
  • I wish... for prefect or head girl at school next year. It would be nice to finally be the best at something.
  • I wish... that my drama teacher wasn't leaving. He was so brilliant, and I'll miss him.
  • I wish... for good exam marks. I didn't study enough this year.
  • I wish... for love? I don't really. But something along those lines would be nice. Perhaps with the shop-across-the-way-guy (from here on in known as SAWG). Likely.
  • I wish... for sun over Summer. I've heard that it's going to be hot and humid. Lame. I want to tan.

Saturday, 8 December 2007

Christmas, Love and Cows

Whoops. Haven't blogged in a bit. I hope you haven't all forgotten about me. I think I haven't blogged because I haven't had any distinct ideas on what to blog. I think I'll just write a few bullet points of my random thoughts for you all:

  • My favourite teacher is leaving to be a deputy principal at another school, and that absolutely suck, but I'm so happy for him at the same time. He's one of those teachers who knows you better than you'll ever know yourself, and it's great. I'm sad he's going, because he was such an inspiration and always got me to the higher level when it came to my acting.
  • I've fallen in love with the guy who works in the shop opposite mine. Well, not really. I just think he's cute. Kind of hot-nerd. But I've never spoken to him, and have no idea how old he is, so I'll just shelve that idea :p
  • My feet are killing me.
  • I went to My Chemical Romance live in concert the other night. Better than expected.
  • I have the day off tomorrow. Choice.
  • It's nearly Christmas.
  • I spent all my pay on Christmas presents. Not choice.
  • My sister's a cow.
If you want to give me a topic to blog on, I assure you it will be much better than this one.

Thursday, 29 November 2007

Here Comes the Bride.

Exams are finished (thank God), so I can now freely blog without feeling guilty. Woohoo!

The other night, I was texting a friend, and the subject turned to marriage -or more specifically, weddings. We began to discuss what we wanted our wedding to be like, how big it would be, what you'd wear and so on. I've really only had this discussion with two people, but it's interesting to see what people are into for their weddings.

My friend, we'll call her Lexie, wanted a big wedding in a garden or a cathedral, despite being an atheist. The dress would be simple, with no embroidery, no veil and absolutely NO lace, according to her. 

My sister wants a big wedding with about two hundred guests. I never tell her she doesn't know two people. Nor do I tell her that I doubt she'll marry. Sometimes it's best to keep things to yourself. She wants a Monique Lhuilier gown. In fact, I think I can probably find the exact one she wants. Her reception would be at some very large expensive place. All in all it would be very dramatic.

Me? I don't want anything too flash. A quiet wedding, with just my family and close friends. In perhaps a rose garden or courtyard. A string quartet would play Cannon as I walked to my groom. I would want personalised vows, but I'm not sure if I could write anything eloquent enough. My dress wouldn't have to be very flash. I wouldn't want off the rack, but I wouldn't spend thousands and thousands on it. Perhaps something like this. I'd want the reception at a small, intimate restaurant. Once again, nothing too flashy and not too many people. I know that if I had a big wedding, I'd be too busy worrying about everybody else having a good time to enjoy what's supposed to be the best day of your life. The only thing I'm set on is having the photos in the same place my parents had theirs (unless I skip countries, of course), which is in the local park amongst the big tree roots.

What about my faithful readers, however many there are of you. What do you want for your wedding? And if you're already married, what was it like? Did you enjoy it, would you do it differently?

Thursday, 22 November 2007

Crooner

My latest fantasy in a guy is a jazz singer. I'm madly in love with Jamie Cullum, who's not particularly sexy, but his voice...Oh my. And he plays piano. Put two and two together and you have the perfect man - well, in my humble opinion, any way.
So, in my search of a crooning jazz singer, I've begun trying to find jazz bars to go to and...well, watch. Thing is, even if I found one, I couldn't go, only being seventeen. I have to wait a bit longer yet, which is rather irritating seeing as I want a jazz singer now. 

Imagine with me, if you will your man playing on the grand piano in your living room, singing some song from the top of his head. You wander over, and for a moment, he continues playing whilst looking you in the eye, that cheeky glint in his. Then suddenly, he stops playing and stand up next to you. He lifts you on the piano and you do it on the keys. And being a pianist, he's very good with his hands. Alright, alright. I'm pathetic and have far too much time on my hands, I know. But imagine it. Hot, isn't it?

As a side note, less than a week 'till my exams are over!

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

Curse of the Double Ds.

I went bra shopping with my mother the other day. There was a great special on, "any bra for half price!" I thought, grand. A really awesome bra for half price - for those of you who are unaware, bra prices in New Zealand are way over priced.
I found the perfect bra. It was black, with a layer of lace over the cup, and a bit of frill on the under wire. Excited, I began to flick through the bra sizes. The tiny ones that a five year old couldn't fit, the pre-puberty bras, the A, AA, B, BB, C, CC, then the D, then...wait on. Where's my size? The double-D? Sighing, I picked up the D in the vain hopes that my previous bra was merely mislabeled. I went to the changing room and tried it on to no avail.

Turns out pretty bras don't come in anything bigger than a D cup. I was gutted. My mother said to me, "Oh but you can try this one on," waving a bra that would have been very comfortable but in no way attractive. Now, I'm not a big girl (as seen in my pictures), and I would even go as far as to say that my breasts are not really that large. Surely they should make the pretty-black-lacy-bra in a DD? It's really not that bigger of a deal, is it? 

Saturday, 17 November 2007

Hold Me Again, As Tight As You Can.

Don't get excited. I know the title of this blog sounds as if I have something exciting and romantic to tell you, but I don't. I was just listening to Elvis.

I've decided not to take any more pictures, at least for awhile. I want this blog to be about me and my thoughts, and I fear that if I post pictures to often, I'll just become a soft-porn star, and at the moment, I don't want it to be about the pictures.

What I really came on here to blog about, is how to tell whether someone is hitting on you or not. How can you tell? Unless it's a blatant, "so...come here often?" how are you supposed to tell? A girl at work claimed she was hit on today in the fiction section, and then my little sister claimed a boy tried to hit on her at Mc Donald's. How can they tell that they're being hit on and I can't? Or is it that they just think they're being hit on, where in actual fact they are just having a conversation? Or could it be that I never get hit on so I never know? And then, if you're hitting on someone, what are the rules? Goodness.

Sunday, 11 November 2007

Open Your Eyes

I think everyone focuses on how the world's a terrible place too much. For once, why can't we just look around and see its beauty? Sure, the world's going to explode soon because we've destroyed it, but for now, let's appreciate it! There's so much in the world that people are blind to because they're too busy looking at the bad stuff, at the wars, at the destruction. If you look deeper into those bad things, I think you'll find that beauty can even be found there.

For once, can we open our eyes and appreciate what's in front of us? It's not all bad. Trust me, I've been looking. I see more good than bad. Yesterday at work, a mother came in with her little girl resting on her hip. Out of the blue, the little girl turned to face her mother and kissed her on the cheek. It was a beautiful moment of humanity, and those moments can happen any place, at any time. If you're ever feeling down with humanity, go to the arrivals gate and you will feel better again within ten minutes :)


On that note, I probably won't be posting for a bit because I have exams and dearly need to study.

Sunday, 28 October 2007

Seventeen Candles

Once upon a time there was a sixteen year old who was ignorant, naive and hiding behind an exterior of constant positivity. Then, something strange and completely random triggered a change in her. On this, her seventeenth birthday, she decided to explore her year...

'I turned sixteen and thought my life would change dramatically. I hold the belief that seventeen will be different. Being sixteen would bring me romance, excitment, and maybe a little bit of danger. It hasn't exactly brought me any of that, and certainly not romance. There were many instances where I thought my luck in that department would change -such as getting a job, going out more - but no. I don't mind, though. I don't need a guy to define who I am.

Throughout the year, I've become more comfortable with who I am and what I believe in. I still have not sucumbed to the peer pressure that surrounds youth - I still don't drink, and I don't do drugs. My former best friend began to dabble in such things with his 'scene' friends. Then he lost his virginity whilst drunk to a girl who's name we couldn't recall. I began to realise that my best friend wasn't the type who did practically everything I was morally against. We soon began to drfit a part. I tried to salvage out friendship, but then realised that it wasn't worth it, and I can honestly say that we aren't friends any more, and that I odn't mind.

I don't care what people think of me. If I'm not good enough for them, then they aren't good enough for me. I used to take criticism personally, but now I can shrug it off or learn from it. I've learnt that some people aren't worth the effort, and others are.

One of the highlights of being sixteen was starting Sixteen Secrets. This blog has allowed me to bare my soul - and skin- without being judged or having to feel ashamed. I was inspired after reading about College Call Girl in a magazine. I checked it out online and saw her baring her soul through the power of anonymity. I wanted that power as well, and so Sixteen Secrets began. I hope to continue it for much longer and hope that my readers will stay witrh me and read as I (hopefully) fall in love, lose my virginity and live life to its fullest...'

Her teacher, who could sense the change, assured her that she would be fine and that she would come out of this time a wonderful human being. And she will. She will continue to grow and develop until she finds out exactly who she is.

Saturday, 27 October 2007

A Teaser



More to come in a few days... I'm building the suspense :P










Tuesday, 23 October 2007

My Random Babblings

Exams are looming. I haven't started studying. Well, not as much as I should be. I wrote an essay today, but it was a half-arsed effort. I will knuckle down soon, well try to, at least.

On another note, my friend and I were having a very good discussion about falling in love, or rather, our lack of falling in love and want of love. It was a very good discussion until she didn't reply to my text.

To change the subject once more, I saw Atonement yesterday. Best film of the year. I'm not a huge Keira Knightly fan, but there is no denying her talent in this film. See it, or regret it!

I took some more photos. They are quite classy, if I do say so myself. I'll post them when I feel like it.

My birthday on Sunday. I will post a very good, life changing blog then.

Monday, 15 October 2007

Friends Until the End?

Isn't it funny how the friends we take for granted are the ones who are there for you when you need it most? I discovered this when I dived into an ocean and quickly found myself way over my head. Who were the life savers that dived in after me or threw me a life ring? It wasn't the people I sit with in class. It wasn't the people I spend my lunch hour with, day after day. No. It was the girl who I often disregard, unsure if I really like. It was the girl I chat with about the state of the world. It was the guy I talk to before school and online because my other friends don't like him because of a fully flung crush he had on a girl who did not deserve his affections.
It made me wonder about who my real friends are. What makes a real friend? I thought I knew. I thought I had them - heaps of them, in fact. But when not one of them reached into my dark ocean, but left me to sink into the icy depths, I began to think that these cannot be true friends. Friends, yes, but not people I can rely on. So can my life savers be my real friends when you didn't always like them before? And then if I decide that my other friends aren't friends, what do I do? Do I stop hanging round with them? But for all the stress and anguish they can cause, they are a fun group.
I'm in a dilemma.

Monday, 8 October 2007

Porn or Art?

I didn't realise how much controversy these photos would cause. I have been told to take them down, asked whether it's legal, and told that I have a great body. There was such a range of comments, that I thought it only right to review the photos that were taken.


First of all; I didn't like these photos as much as the last ones I took, even though they didn't show anything. I took more time with the previous ones, and managed to edit them a bit on the camera. I used a different camera this time, and I was in a rush incase my family got home whilst I was lolling topless on the couch.


Second of all; my first comment said that they revealed too much of my identity. Perhaps the first photo did, so I took it down.


Third of all; I take these pictures because I want my page views to go up, I will admit to that. They also provide me with a sense of freedom, as no one knows who I am (bar two people), and so I can do whatever the hell I like, without a bunch of judging eyes on me, telling me that it's wrong to show off my body. Up yours to the person who told me I was chubby and need to lose some weight. I'm happy with my body, don't be jealous.

Fourth; if I am never to be famous, or glamourous of great, at least I have some sort of fame through the internet. Yes, it's probably morally wrong, but I frankly don't give a shit (see above).

For those of you who are concerned that these pictures are soft porn and that old men are going to sit by their computer and lust on me, thank you for your concern. I'd like to think that these photos are art; whether it's from a strategic hat or flash to mask my identity, or the ways in which I pose. I'm not putting them up there for you all to lust over. As I already said, I've put them up there to free myself.

Saturday, 6 October 2007

New Pics!

[Edit] From the adivice of one commenter, I have taken one photo down, because it probably does show too much of my face. Enjoy the rest. I won't be taking them down.


I didn't have much time to take these, but I thought everyone deserved them. Plus, this counts as a post about boobs. Tthey aren't very arty. I can't load them onto my computer to edit them, because they still come up on the screen saver, even if you've deleted them. I can't even rotate them :( Enjoy, and please comment! Esp if you have ideas, advice, and compliments :P




















Thursday, 4 October 2007

Mystery Text

Do you ever send a text message to someone, but meant it for a different person? I did that today;

"Don't worry about it. Leave him to me, I'll deal with him."

What's sad about this text message, is that I wasn't actually texting anyone at the time. I invented this text and purposely sent it to them just so I would seem exciting. I re-read the text before I sent it, "oh, that's mysterious," I thought to myself, and then selected a person to send it to.

Why? I asked myself this very question. There are three possibilities:
a) I wanted to strike an interesting conversation
b) I wanted to seem mysterious and exciting
c) I was bored.

A and B are the two possibilities I would go with. Did it strike an interesting conversation? No. Do I seem more mysterious? I doubt it. Perhaps I should just go out me.


Thanks to Ms Puddin's advice to write about boobs. Look out for a post on them soon!

Thursday, 27 September 2007

BYO

The party's BYO. Bring it in a water bottle, otherwise it's too hard to control. I'm taking a water bottle. It will be full of water.

I don't drink. I don't exactly feel the need to. I have so much fun without the added alcohol, and I can get up in the morning without a pounding headache. "You have to get drunk! You'll love it!" But I love having fun without it. Why do I need to? I shan't give into your peer pressure, thank you very much.

So at this party, my drink bottle will be filled with water - or if I'm daring, lemonade - and I will enjoy myself as you get wasted and look like idiots. I will remember it forever, but you wont remember it tomorrow. Up yours, bitches!

Sunday, 23 September 2007

Big Problem.

I don't know what to write about. I've had a disappearance of inspiration. I don't know what to do. What if I am never inspired again?

Quick! Someone give me a topic!

Friday, 14 September 2007

Ich bin krank, aber wenigstens ich sehe wie Sie nicht aus.

I'm sick. My nose is blocked to infinity and beyond, and I have this horrible cough. It sounds like I'm dying. I probably am. If I don't post again...I've died. But don't panic, I'm merely being over dramatic as always.

This week has been choca-block full of exams. They're all finished now, thank God. One week left of school, and then holidays, which will consist of me doing next year's research for English so I can relax a bit more next year. I also have to learn an intense monologue off by heart for drama, and write a speech for English. Oh, did I say they were holidays? How silly of me.

But now that I'm finished exams, I don't really know what to do with myself. It's early Friday evening, and I'm bored. I don't want to start more school work, but I don't want to bum round, either. Ahh, the dilemma.

I haven't spoken about sex in awhile. This was primarily set up so that I could vent about stuff like that, yet I've only made a couple of posts about it. Although, I did post those sexy (I thought) pictures, so I suppose that counts as sex. Maybe I'll think of something sexy over the weeken and post it for you.

xoxo

Saturday, 8 September 2007

My Random Babblings

I'm staying up for the rugby (All Blacks v. Italy in their first World Cup match), so I thought I'd post up some of my random thoughts of late.


I'm quite a short person, so when I go to things that involve a lot of sweating, I'm usually around arm pit level, which is nice. I went to a gig the other night, and no one was that smelly until my friend came along. Phwor. And it wasn't even a boy. She smelt really bad. I couldn't stand to close to her. Infact, I took a few steps away and pretended I wanted to dance rather than admit I was to overcome by her stench to stand next to her.

I could be working on my book right now. I just realised. Or studying. I worked all day, so I didn't exactly feel like studying. And I'm too lazy to write, because my writing got crap. It's just puttering along now. I killed off a dog that hadn't ever been introduced. I'm a terrible author. But there are bits that stand out. I live my life vicariously through the book, which is rather sad.

I'm so tired. There's still an hour until the rugby. I'll have to make a mocha.

It's my ex-best friend's birthday on Monday. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Card? Present? Text message?

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

My French Postcard





Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Here they are....my very first French postcards! No judging. Yes, tanlines and flabs exist in the real worl. Get over it. But here you are, oggle away.















Tuesday, 4 September 2007

Two People

Two people know who this belongs two. One, is Mimi. Mimi, my life and soul. She is my best friend, whom without I would be just a shadow of myself. The other, is William, whom I tell a lot to, but we have a strange relationship that I am unsure of how to describe.

I'm glad Mimi knows. When I posted my second blog, A Night to Remember, I felt as if I was lying, as we had vowed to tell no one, yet there I was, writing it erotically for all the world to see. Mimi and I have done so much together, from that night, kissing in spas and just plain old hanging out and discussing the evolution of us. She knows I have a million fantasies involving her, and if you ever saw her, you probably would too.

However, sometimes I wonder about my telling William. He's a great guy and everything, don't get me wrong. But how honest can I be when he is reading? Can I post freely, like that last night I totally turned myself on fantasising about James McAvoy? Or if I take French Postcards, can I post them on here? Will he judge? Will I be able to look him in the eye?

So there is my dilemma. Two people know. One I'm glad. The other? Well... I can't decide.

Sunday, 2 September 2007

Sins and Virtues

Lust Sloth Envy Pride Gluttony Greed Wrath
~
I love reading sealed sections. They make me imagine things I shouldn't.
I'm far too lazy, yet I still wonder why I don't have a flat stomach.
I'm jealous of their relationship, and the complete devotion he had for her.
I love being proud of things I have achieved.
I eat more than I should, which is probably something to do with the love handles.
I want it all.
My anger builds up and curdles my insides. I'm scared of snapping.
***
Chastity Abstinence Liberality Diligence Patience Kindness Humility
~
I'm a virgin
I can say no to food I don't need.
I like to buy people things.
I work hard.
I can forgive and forget. I am willing to wait.
People can lean on me in times of need.
I'm humble.
***

Saturday, 25 August 2007

Cleopatra

Costume parties are pretty much the best. Dress as slutty as you want, without being judged. It's fantastic. Unless you're fat and wobbly. Then you will be judged. I cannot wait for 'costume season' to begin. I probably won't get invited to that many. Just the one big one. But it will rock. I am going as Cleopatra. And not the real Cleopatra, who was ugly and had a big Roman nose. The sexy glamourised one. Halter necks, boobs, and oozing sex appeal. That's me. I cannot wait. I will post pictures, so don't panic anyone!

Thursday, 16 August 2007

Denim Pants

I know it's not about sex. I know I haven't spoken about sex lately. I'm waiting for the inspiration to come. No pun intended. Actually, all puns intended. Anyway, while you wait, here's something I wrote a little while ago...
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I couldn’t help staring. From the moment he walked in the door, my eyes were on him. His long hair, pulled back into a scruffy pony tail, his loose T-shirt, shouting the name of a band. His denim pants came to just below his knee. Perfect.
I watched him as he moved around the store, my eyes following him. He looked at me and I dropped my gaze. I hoped he would come over. I hoped and hoped with all my heart.
The boy picked up something, read it and then plonked it back down.
‘Come over here!’ I was silently screaming. I wanted him to look at me again, and smile. I wanted him to say something to me. Anything.
I jiggled my foot as he looked somewhere else.
‘Come over here, by the cash register. Please!’
The boy looked up and shook his head.
“No, I don’t think I’ll buy anything today.” He said, and walked slowly out of the shop. I was crushed.
I stretched my wings and cried silently. I would have to stay, locked up in this cage once again. A poor, friendless parakeet I would remain.

Friday, 10 August 2007

A Bullet in my Gun

I'm given a gun with a single bullet in it.
"Shoot anyone you want," they say, "and we won't do anything about it." So that's it. I can kill whoever I want to, and there will be no repercussions. So who do I kill? I think about it. George Bush, Mugabe, the relatives who put their three year old niece in a dryer.

No, none of them. Out of all the rapists, child abusers and evil dictators, I will choose the guy who sits behind me in two of my classes. The biggest jerk that ever walked the planet. Our school actually had to widen the doors so he could get his big head through them. He's rude to everyone, but seems to think that we kiss the ground he walks on. He thinks I'm a freak, but has he tried looking in the mirror lately? The jokes of, "you're a boy," aren't exactly original anymore, cunt-face. "Stop being a freak for five minutes and send me the file." Mmm, wow. You're so great to me, I think I will send you the file!

So yes, I am given a gun with a single bullet in it.
"Shoot anyone you want," they say, "and we won't do anything about it."
I choose him.

Monday, 6 August 2007

Pick Up lines

To be completely honest, if a guy walked up to me and said, "the name's Bond, James Bond," I would melt. I had a dream once where I replied, "I've always wanted to be a Bond girl," and the night ended in fantastic bliss.

That's probably the only 'sucker' line that I'd fall for. Anything like "I'm not really this tall, I'm just sitting on my wallet," would probably only get a polite laugh from me. Who would use that, really?

Sunday, 5 August 2007

Where are the boys?

I should be doing the mounds of homework I have. Instead, I'm sitting here writing a blog. I don't even know what direction it's going to go in yet.

I talked to my Father about buying a computer off him. I thought, wow! French Postcard time. Then I realised it wouldn't be connected to the internet. What a bitch.
I've essentially run out of things to say, other than I would like someone to flirt with. Where are all the boys?

Wednesday, 1 August 2007

Dream Man

You love everything about him, his crew cut hair, his mocha coloured eyes. The way he smiles when he looks at you, as if you're the only person who exists. You love his body, defined arms, a washboard stomach with a sun tattoo around his belly button and a ring through his nipple. He's a pirate, a rock star, a bad boy. He's the type your mother warned you about, but you fall in love with him anyway.

He puts his hand around your waist when you're out, showing you off to the world, daring other men to look and be jealous. He's the perfect gentlemen, and then when you arrive home, he turns into the pirate, wanting to pillage your treasures. He picks you up and playfully throws you over his shoulder and carries you to the bed - or nearest avaliable spot and pleasures you in ways you never thought possible.

He's a real man, ready to defend your honour at the drop of a hat. He's a tough guy, known not to shy away from a fight, but peel away the tough exterior and you'll find that he's sensitive, and just as ready to curl up on the couch with you as he is to test out the new bed.

He's my dream man. He's got to exist. Doesn't he?

Sunday, 29 July 2007

A French Postcard


When Keira and Scarlett posed for this photo, I was inspired. This photo is full of class, yet incredibly sexy. I've always liked the thought of nude photos, but not the gaudy pornographic ones. French postcards, I think they were called. The majority of them showed little nudity, but at the time, were highly erotic to the gents carrying them off to war. These are the sorts of photographs I would like of myself, and would most certainly take if I had my own computer and Internet line. Somehow my father stumbling across pictures of his half naked daughter is unappealing.

Some of the photos I looked at I would be far too chicken to ever take, mostly because of the amount of cellulite and my poor abilities at photo editing, but some of these photos are tasteful and exude sexual appeal. I think I like the thought of these photos because at heart, I want to be lusted over, and want other women to be jealous of me.

Anyone taken French Postcard photos? Why? Show me them?

Saturday, 28 July 2007

dom·i·na·tion - noun.

I like the thought of dominating. I'm a natural born leader - loud voice, relatively intelligent and most times, I listen to others. I have various fantasies involving domination, ranging from the stereotypical S&M garb to sexy spies interrogating a prisoner to Queen Cleopatra ruling over her great Egyptian empire, using her sexual prowess to entice Cesar and Marc Antony,

Why is it that I have such fantasies? I think there are several reasons behind these feelings. The already mentioned leadership is an obvious one, but as I delve deeper into the meaning behind my erotic wants, I begin to realise that it's more than just my leadership skills.

At school, I'm the bottom of the heap in my group of friends. I'm the Tom Robinson of this Maycomb County, discriminated against just because I'm a seemingly easy target. I get picked on constantly, supposedly in good humour. My female name is change to the male version and I get my hair ruffled despite the widely known knowledge that I hate people touching my hair. Here, I can clearly see the links between my school life and my horny imagination. I want to dominate so that I can be in charge, so that I can pick on someone for a change.

Perhaps another reasons is being the middle child in my family - an older sister who constantly picks on you, is rude to your entire family and generally sucks is a sure fire reason, isn't it? Sometimes I wish I could tell her to shut up/

I hope I'm not the only one out there who delved deep into their sexual fantasies, trying to find meaning in them. Let me know, kay?

Thursday, 26 July 2007

A Night to Remember

I've kissed more girls than most sixteen year old girls have. A friend of mine, John* used to have 'spa parties,' where we'd try to cram as many people as we could into his four person spa. I think the record was thirteen. Anyway, being dared to kiss girls was a common occurrence. It was there that I first made out with Mimi* and Roxie*. Roxie wasn't that good, in my opinion. I don't want your tongue shoved down my throat.

The night after New Year's, I went over to my friend Demi's* place with Mimi. Demi had spent New Year's alone, so we decided to recreate the night. We watched some below average movies and discussed boys, friends and sex - a common occurrence when with Mimi. Around midnight we made our way up to Demi's room to talk while drifting to sleep. We were home alone, so there was no reason to stay quiet. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but the talk moved onto breasts. Now, I'm generally recognised to have the 'perfect' breasts, big, but not huge and utterly squeezable, according to Mimi. In true Mimi fashion, she did just that and made a cute little noise. I returned the favour.

That's where it began. The feeling over PJ's went to under, a quick grab of the breasts at first, and then as we grew more confident with each other it turned into trailing our fingers sensually over stomachs, and up onto pert nipples. It didn't feel strange like a heterosexual would expect, it felt normal. It felt good. Mimi crawled up on top of me and ran her hands under my top, pulling it up but not off. Demi, in the beginning was shy and more content to watch in fascination what was happening in her bed, and as Mimi sat on my slowly rocking hips, I extended a hand and reached under Demi's Metallica t shirt, slowly encouraging her to join in as Mimi fondled me. She too, extended a hand to Demi and touched her gently. She slowly rolled of me and next to her, and my trembling hands moved to Mimi, who cried out when her breasts were grabbed hard. Myself, I preferred to be caressed softly, something Mimi did well. Once again our confidence grew, we dared to go further with each other - although not a lot further. I ran my finger up Mimi's thigh, but chickened out and returned to her pert nipples that I sampled in my mouth.

This erotic experience continued until three in the morning, when we called it quits and fell asleep in the bed, arms entwined. The next morning, it was as if nothing had happened. Although no body mentioned it, there was no awkwardness between us. It was almost as if this was a regular occurrence. I almost wondered if it was a dream, but it wasn't. It was three girls experimenting, something I think that all girls should try. It didn't convert me to homosexuality - I still want the touch of a man against my skin, but it helped me to discover what I like, how I like to be touched. Although I'm ready for a guy to come along, if I was alone with Mimi in a bed again, I know that chances are, there would be a repeat performance. Maybe we'd even go further so that when our Prince Charmings' arrive, we can tell them how we like it.


*Names changed. Do you think I really have friend's called Roxie and Mimi? I wish.

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

First Blog

I've never done a blog before. I needed somewhere to express the secrets of my sixteen year old self. And I mean, all secrets. I'm a sexually charged girl who has yet to do the deed, but there's no denying the fantasies I've had - and want. Granted, this is going to have a lot of moaning on it. It's hard not to moan when you're my age, I won't necessarily discuss who I'm 'crushing on,' mostly because I haven't done such thing for awhile. My aim of this is to be completely honest, and bar name changes, I will be.

As the title suggests, I'm sixteen years old. Although only for a few months more. I have friends, although sometimes I wonder why I'm always the one that gets picked on. I have short hair, but no, I'm not a lesbian. I thought about it for while, but the majority of the already mentioned fantasies contain men. I have had some pretty sexual experiences with girls, however. I've gone further with my own sex than I have with a male, and I've kissed more girls than boys. No wonder people think I'm a lesbian. It's because there's not kissable boys in my vicinity.

I haven't had a real boyfriend. I've had boyfriends, but two months of text messages hardly constitutes as a relationship. I'm not saying I want a boyfriend, but I am saying that I would like a boy to be 'crushing' on me for a change, rather than my older sister, who in my cruel opinion, is no better looking than me. See? Told you there would be moaning.

In conclusion to my first blog, I'm sixteen. I have secrets. I want sex. I want a man to like me, and I have more sexual fantasies than a girl my age probably should. In short, I am me.