Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all my wonderful and loyal readers! I hope your New Year's Resolutions aren't too ambitious (mine: do well at uni, and keep up with the running).

Be safe, party hard, or curl up on the couch with your loved one. Whatever you do, make sure you enjoy the last night of the decade!

A Big Fat Fuck You.

Believe it or not, but this blog is about me. This gives me the right to write about me. And sure, right now my life's pretty great - however, if you had read my entire blog, you would know that my life has not always been great. I go through the same teenage angst as everyone else. Try these ones, Needs, The C Word or Good News and Bad

How dare you judge me for being happy. If you are unhappy, then I am sorry, but don't try and bring me down. I already have a sister who tries to do that, I don't need to have it here on my blog where I write about what I like. If I choose not to share the special facts about Jake (like how he surprised me by taking me to a movie he didn't want to see for my birthday, and the zoo. How he invited me to stay with his family on a holiday. How when he took my virginity he couldn't stop apologising for having hurt me. How he tells me that with each passing day that he doesn't see me, he feels more strongly about me).

Sure, this is the first time I've been in love. I never said he was perfect, or that we're going to get married and have children. All I said was that I'm happy. If this offends you, then stop reading my blog.

Christmas

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Mine was laid back and nice. Happy holidays!

What's The Deal?

This blog isn't as fun anymore now that every comment is about how much of a creep Jake is. Which, for the record, he is not.

He's not in a gang- the first time he was attacked he was walking home with some mates and guy walked out and tried to mug them. Jake took the attack, wrestled the guy to the ground and held him in a choke hold until the cops arrived. On Saturday night, he and his mates were waiting for their ride home when two young guys from the Mongrel Mob (his mates think it might have been some sort of initiation) and started trouble. For the first time in his life, Jake told them that he didn't want any trouble. They told him that it was too late, and one of the guys punched him with a knuckle duster. He's from a small town, and so violence from gangs is higher than it is in the bigger cities.

He's not a virgin-hunter, thank you very much. Mine was the first virginity he's taken, and when I make jokes about having threesomes with another guy he tells me "no ways would I ever let that happen. You've only had me and I want to keep it that way." And before you go ranting about how he'd probably be happy to have a threesome with another chick, you're wrong. He said that thought makes him feel uncomfortable because he'd feel like he was cheating on me. And yes, he cheated on his girlfriend with me. But he and his girlfriend were only together for two weeks, if that before we got together, and most people wouldn't even consider that to be a relationship. Jake and I have been together for four months, and I'd trust him with my life. He talks about the future with me - moving in together in our third year, and even getting engaged (but not until we finish uni). Not of it's ever in a "this is what we're going to do" way, but in a "wouldn't it be cool if we stayed together" kind of way.

Yes, when Jake came round, we broke my father's rules. However, if I hadn't wanted to break them, he would have been happy to stay in his own room. Did you never break your parents rules? Not ever? If you didn't, then what a boring teenage life you must have had to have never done anything that they didn't approve of.

For those of you that are interested, Jake is 18 years old, turning 19 in May, so he's about 5 months younger than me. He's also quite mature- more mature than me I'd say. He's been through a lot - his Dad was abusive (and no Jake's never laid a finger on me- he's not that guy), and so he's been through the divorce of his parents and then moving to a new country where he knew no one and had no one but his immediate family with him.

That's the end of my defence of Jake. He's a wonderful guy, end of story. If these nasty comments keep coming, I'm going to start writing about unicorns and ponies. I'm not stupid. If Jake turns out not to be the right thing for me, then I'll leave him.

Surgery

I've just come home from my bedside vigil at the hospital.

Ok, it's not quite as dramatic as it sounds. Well, it is a bit dramatic. Jake had his jaw broken by two gang members (strangers- he's not in a gang!) and so I rushed to be with him while he waited for his operation. Unfortunately I had to leave to get back to my hometown for work (before Christmas retailers are stuffy about getting work off, and I'd already had Sunday off). He's in post-op now and so is already on the mend.

I'll do a post later about why he's so great because everyone seems to hate him. Not that I have any need to justify my relationship. I'm happy, he's happy, and we love each other.

A Wonderful Weekend

I've just had the most wonderful weekend. Jake came up to stay on Friday, and left around lunchtime today. I didn't quite realise how much I missed him until I saw him again, didn't quite realise how much I love him until I saw him again.

We went shopping, and he bought me my Christmas present, which is a lovely pink satin nightie. We went to see The Time Traveller's Wife, which he surprisingly loved. I took him to a Japanese place for dinner, snuggled with him, had sex four times (once in the living room), and was generally the happiest I've been since the holidays began.

My favourite part of the weekend would have to be Saturday night. We were sleeping in separate rooms in accordance to my father's rules, when suddenly I was woken by Jake getting into bed beside me and pulling my arm over him.

"Are you ok babe?"

"My knee's in so much pain, and I knew you'd make me feel better," he said. He had a skin infection on his knee from being attacked last week, and for some reason it got very bad during the night. I climbed out of bed and fetched him some painkillers and then held him as he waited for it to kick in. He later told me that when he was little and in pain (has bone growths, which means he on occasionally gets bone infections), he used to crawl into bed with his mum. The fact that he reverted to that natural instinct with me made me feel incredibly special. Now I'm the woman that gets to cuddle him and make him feel better.

What's Love Got to Do With It?

I'm still not really sure what love is, to be honest. I'm pretty sure I love Jake, and being away from him is horrible, but with this being my first love, I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to feel.

A lot of people have said that love is all consuming, that it takes you over and is all you can think about. I wouldn't say this is true for me. Yes, Jake's often on my mind, especially as we are so far apart at the moment, but I don't feel the need to constantly declare my love for him or tell him how much I miss him - in fact, when he was going through a week patch last weekend, and every text said "I miss you," or something along those lines, I got a little freaked out.

I don't want our love to become obsessive. I don't want to only see him all the time, and he's the same. Sure, seeing each other more often than we see other people is likely, but we have other friends and different interests, and we believe that it's important to keep hold of them. I want to be the object of his affection, but not the only object.

If someone asked me to define love, I'd probably say it was the feeling of security that I have when I'm with him. When I'm wrapped in his arms, nothing can go wrong. It's how he makes me feel- beautiful, whether fully clothed or naked. He's not afraid to tell me the truth, and not afraid to tell me to stop complaining (something I do far too often).

So I'm still not sure what love is, if it's supposed to be all consuming, or if it's just that feeling of security. Either way, I'm happy with how I feel at the moment.

P.S. I'd love to hear what you think love is.