Double Hurt and the End

I went to town on Saturday, got very drunk in an attempt to make me forget. Bad idea. Instead I only succeeded in pulling out my phone and sending rude text messages to Kip when I shouldn't have. 

"You're a dick, you don't care,"

"It takes two to tango, it wasn't all my fault," and my personal favourite,

"You hsgt mf. I wishder yu cadrf."

I texted him yesterday morning and apologised,

"I'm sorry about the texts last night. I shouldn't have taken my phone to town. I do think there was some truth to it though." He didn't text back, so when he returned I went down to his room and knocked. 

We talked it out, well sort of. There was a lot of staring at walls from both parties.

"I felt like you made it out to be all my fault,"

"When did I ever do that?"

"When you said that you said we shouldn't have done it."

"I tried to stop it like three times,"

"But you didn't stop it. You let it happen, it was your idea to put a condom on so we didn't have to stop."

Silence.

"I'm not saying it's all your fault. We both were stupid."

"I agree."

Silence.

"I feel stupid." He looked at me, almost mad.

"Why should you feel stupid?" He asked, "why do you have any reason to feel stupid?"

"Because I thought that by doing that you might just forget about your ex, and that you might like me. I was stupid to think you could ever like me."

"You shouldn't feel stupid. I'm the stupid one. I'm the one who didn't stop it."

I didn't say anything. We sat in silence for awhile, and then I got up to leave.

"Is there anything else you wanted to say to me?" I shook my head. I went over to him and we hugged. I cried into his shoulder and he just held me.

When I left I still felt like crap.

I woke up this morning with a text from him on my phone,

"I'm really really sorry. But you know I never would have purposely done any of this to hurt you. I'm sorry that I just let it happen and didn't stop things earlier. I know I screwed up. And I know it's my fault. I'm so sorry that I did this to you. I didn't mean to hurt you this much."

I had wanted an apology, even though I know it's not all his fault. I still feel like shit. I replied with,

"I want to say that it's ok, but I can't. We were both stupid but I think that's what makes it hurt more, that I was stupid enough to think that you could ever like me. I should have known that you wouldn't. Things never turn out that way for me, why should this have been any different? It hurts because I was stupid."

"But I do accept your apology."