"I mean, you're a hot mack, but I'm still on that borderline... I don't know."
In the end we decided that he wouldn't take it because he couldn't "handle it if everyone was to find out," and also because we didn't want anything to come between our blossoming friendship.
To be honest, I'm a little bit disappointed. He would have been a good guy to lose it to, because he's sweet and caring and would have been a gentleman. I also don't really want to go to university a virgin... I move out in three months time, so I guess my chances of that happening are pretty slim. Would've been nice, though.
4 comments:
Alright, having read this I think I'll comment, although I don't know if there is a point...
I think the decision that you reached was a good one, sex simply because you don't want to go to college a virgin seems kinda silly to me. And a severe underestimation of the impact it will have on you, whether you acknowledge it or not.
To be clear, I am not a moral advocate of abstinence or any such, I lost my virginity at 16 with my 15 year old gf at the time and I have no regrets. I'd never marry a girl I hadn't slept with previously, I feel its important to know that the chemistry is there in bed. In no way do I advocate waiting for sex till some magical prince comes along or your in your wedding chambers, that is unrealistic and honestly you'd miss out on a lot of fun along the way.
All that said, the first time IS significant. My current gf, and soon to be fiance, was a virgin when we met. She was 19 and had never really even dated, but she was curious. She treated it somewhat cavalierly and once we started making out and fooling around she wanted more and more. But when we were there, I prevented her for weeks, and when it finally happened I made certain it was her decision.
First off, it does hurt, it can even hurt quite badly. Secondly, at first she thought she was going to be okay, but intuition told me otherwise, and I held her for a while, then carried her to the shower where she started crying. She did not know what had come over her, but she felt something had changed, and we were in that shower for more than an hour, with her in my arms.
It took her a couple weeks to want sex again, and since then it has become more physical and less emotional slowly over time(this was four years ago now). But the impact was large, and honestly it bonded us much tighter than we had been before.
I cannot imagine how that experience would have been for her had it occurred with a guy who had simply struck her fancy, or who was just a friend but not someone she had real feelings for. I do not know if she'd have been crying alone, or if she'd have simply buried those feelings and never dealt with them.
Once again, I don't think your first should be expected to be some white knight. I don't think it should be till marriage. I think there is a *ton* of fun to be had at your age. But....I think your first should be someone special, someone you know will understand the importance of what is happening, and someone you can talk to, for years perhaps, about what happened and be able to refer to it as something besides 'really hot'. Ideally it would be someone you could be with for a while, learning how to do more, how to enjoy your body and get what you need from your partner(and give in return). On more than just a physical level.
Thats my unsolicited two cents.
Two cents like that is never unsolicited. Thank you very much for sharing that with me.
I like the way you type, you.
Do what you feel is right, I guess. Honestly I don't have much experience in the matter.
I kind of wish I had a talk like that with who I lost my vcard to. He didn't even know.
I'll play devil's advocate to ReflexVE's comment: Not everyone gets as emotional as his gf did. I was expecting a deep emotional bond to form but it didn't. It was fine and we just went on with our night. Also, it probably won't hurt if you've fooled around with yourself before. As unclassy as it sounds, stretch yourself out. It's not cheating despite what some people say. I do agree that you shouldn't wait for the perfect guy... just someone good enough. That sounds bad, but you will remember it forever... except you also don't want to hold out forever. Just be sure, be safe and be sober. :P
PS. I love the blog!
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