Just Decisions

When he placed his hands on my behind to bring me in closer to his kiss, I couldn't help but wonder what I'd started when I decided to kiss him the previous night. The final kiss before we parted was more than just a "see you soon," kind of kiss. It was a real goodbye kiss. At least five weeks until he returns for under a week, and then gone again.

I'd sort of planned on making a move when I found out he was returning, but upon seeing him again, I changed my mind. I was more attracted to him than ever before, but I knew that it couldn't end well. He was only back for a little while, and through a friend we organised to meet up. We saw a movie, and then headed back to my place where we sat and watched tv for a few hours. It was then I decided to lie in his warm and secure arms. Probably a poor decision considering I'd decided not to make a move. But I couldn't resist.

As I walked him to the end of my street, I couldn't control myself. As I went to hug him, I kissed him. He welcomed me immediately, and we kissed despite the constant drone of cars passing us by on the main road. I didn't want to let him go. He said we could meet up the next day. i should have just ended it then. I should have said, "no, let's leave it at this." But I didn't. I agreed.

He came to pick me up from work and together we walked to the park. Once again I wrapped myself in his arms. He laughed as I shivered against the chill while he sat there in a t-shirt, sharing his warmth with me. We sat on a park bench for two hours. His hand was on my thigh, on my chest and my body arched up against him.

Then it was time for him to walk me home. I didn't know what to say. For once in my life, I was speechless. I couldn't say anything when he said, "I care about you a lot - probably too much considering the circumstances." I didn't know what there was to say. "Let's just take it as it comes," was all I could say when he said, "I don't want you to feel you have to wait around for me." And then he kissed me one last time and all I could think was, 'what have I started?"

But as someone once said to me, there are no wrong decisions, just decisions.