Tonight the pain is unbearable. I'm in so much pain that I have a suicide prevention number saved in my phone, and beside me a box of sinus painkillers where it tells me that in case of an overdose, go straight to the hospital. I forgot the cooking wine from the pantry, though, which is probably going to save my life tonight.
Why is tonight so hard for me? Why do I want to die tonight? I'm not a hundred percent sure. Today would have been eleven months for us, but I felt fine this morning. It wasn't until my last class that I started to deteriorate. I texted him. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. A big long text message. I asked if he missed me. His reply cut me,
"I do miss you. Not enough to get like you, but I do. It is different without you but I adjust."
If he misses me, why can't he take me back? I know I'm going to get over this, but right now it hurts more than I can describe. I asked if he would come and see me, but of course he wouldn't. I miss him so much. I just want to be held by hi, to be loved by him. I miss waking up next to him. The space under his arm where I fit perfectly. How he used to snuggle me when he would come into my room late at night.
I ran away tonight. I'm at my happy place. He's the only one who knows where it is, if he can remember. I won't stay out here too long. But here I can cry all I like without disturbing anyone. Here I can ring the hot line without anyone hearing. Here I can end it all without anyone stopping me.
1 comment:
MEN seldom become as emotional connected.
Likely he misses your beautiful body.
Likely he has very much moved on and is looking for his next Six...Sec experience. MEN are like that. The "need to breed" is deep in the Lion. The lioness - mates for life. FORGET him or it will drive you crazy. NO TExting No messages. No phone calls not expectations. HE is not coming back ALTHOUGH he may get a little drunk or melancholy and hit you up for a piece of THAT every once in a while. Don't do it!
Don;t you find it remarkable how women work. Rihanna is talking to Bobby Rihanna Beater again!
Women eh! A Suicidal death wish sometimes.
Drop Jake. Jake is Toast! Focus on you and bam the next and perhaps greatest guy drops out of nowhere.
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