We made out in the corner, and that I didn't mind. His hand was on my arse, but that I didn't mind either. It was when he attempted to finger fuck me that a seed of doubt about his integrity was planted in my mind. He'd stop when I told him to, but then a few minutes later he'd try again.
When we made out by a tree, he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around him. But then he tried to do it again. When I told him to stop he said "sorry," and I know he was.
But now I can't stop thinking about whether this is what I want. Do I want a guy that when we're drunk tries to finger fuck me? I thought I'd be ready to go all the way, but that's put me off.
He says he's sorry now that he's sober, and I do know that he means it. Is this something I'm fretting over for no reason? Is this gut feeling really just my hangover? Or, should I end it soon? Although, if I was to end it after only three weeks, the whole school would be on my back about why.
I'm really keen for advice, if I have any readers left.
4 comments:
mm i believe you should think about what you want... and stick to it... it doesn't matter what other people think or believe about you... at the end, you'll be the one happy or angry with the results...
give it a thought...
You have plenty of readers I am sure. A lot of people just aren't comfortable commenting. This is true for any blogger.
I've read you for quite a while and have always been impressed with your mature reasoning.
Especially so in this post as you realized that his continued persistence showed a lack of interest n your wishes. Nothing wrong in general terms with lusty avarice even youthful hormonally driven desire.
Many might say that "well guys just want one thing and so on..." I wouldn't presume to say so about Johnny before this account.
The issue as I see it is his lack of respect for your boundaries. Drunkenness is no excuse for repeatedly fumbling around after being rebuffed.
"en vino veritas" (sp?) means I believe "In wine there is truth." Alcohol lowers inhibitions but doesn't change your inner character.
Why Johnny has boundary issues is unknown but it is clearly there. Perhaps he has been taught or experienced on his own the notion that girls want to be cajoled, that no means maybe, and so on. This is a slippery slope.
Obviously this is a bit early to judge whether he might be the love of your life and/or you his, but loving another means putting their desires first.
I don't think he is a bad person and certainly there are many boys that would have pressed much harder than he, but he clearly lacks the maturity to deal with all of the emotional, health and pregnancy risk that go along with the gift you were considering offering him before he clumsilly pushed too hard.
I think you were in love with the idea of who he could be, and not who he is. He may as may many others you will meet throughout your life become so, but one doesn't put such a heavy investment when the outcome is so unknown.
As far as what people will think or how to let him down, etc. Easily handled. You simply tell him that he seems much more ready for that level of intimacy than you feel you are likely to be in the near future and it just wouldn't be fair to hold him back from experiencing these things, etc etc. If he buys that then, well he wasn't that into you.
As far as other people, the truth or shades of it. "He just seems to be more man than little old me is quite ready for." He feels the stud, you keep your options open.
Keep up your writing, and keep up your own integrity. You'll do fine I am sure.
-The Geek
He was actually *really* well behaved for a seventeen year old guy. He sounds like a good one. hang on to him.
C'mon! You're in highschool, and he's a guy. it's practically impossible for him NOT to try to push your boundaries, but it sounds like he's okay with stepping back and respecting them when you put him in line. maybe try to expand your own horizons a little while you two are sober, and he'll learn what you do and don't like.
Okay - "finger fuck" you? You're a teenager, he's a teenaged boy, he was going in for an under-the-belt grope, don't make it sound like you're a bitter hooker.
And in terms of unwanted action - he could have done the steady head push toward his crotch, he could have tried to do what every hormone in his body wants him to do and make The Move, but no - he tries to figure out a little bit of your body.
This is not break-up material, honey.
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