Sunday, 24 February 2008
Dear Sister
My oldest sister causes endless problems in our household. If something doesn't go her way, she sulks. If someone else is having a bad day, she sulks. She claims no one's listening to her. She claims no one cares. Sometimes I struggle to cope. She doesn't seem to realise that we've all got problems. I can't address that I feel inferior to my friends and don't really fit in with anyone. That sometimes I just feel like crying for no reason, all because we're too busy dealing with her depression and bulimia. I can't load my parents up with extra problems because that would be unfair on them. My sister's constant "I'll just go kill myself, then" takes up enough of their time without them having to worry about me. Sometimes I just wish they'd notice. But they don't get the chance. As soon as someone focuses on anyone but my sister, they're neglecting her. I wonder if she realises what she's doing to everyone else?
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2 comments:
Damn... your writings skills improve, Six... (editor part of me)
Damn... It reminds me bad memories (reader part of me).
It's a very personal post and a very clever one...
She realises partly, it's a vicious thing... sometimes people have to hurt people in order to be reassured that someone care for them.
The problem is that it seems that it goes this way since a long time now so the cycle is well installed. And as it's like this, there are no reason it changes.
I disagree whith "I can't load my parents... would be unfair on them"... Six, there is no fair or unfair, it's your parents they care for you, you're not a weight... I am guessing they must see that some things don't go well with you even if you're secretive (^^ Mrs Secrets), I am quite sure maybe they would be glad to talk with you and even... worrying a little for you for a change. ^^
You start to dig deep in your thoughts and flesh... and you write it well... You amazed me... It took me so many years to manage to do it...
Take care, Six.
sincerly,
n.
Shit, I'd email you, this, but somehow when I try to leave that as my comment it doesn't work. Huh.
I'm 15 in the states, but I can associate from far across the world.
My older brother has a lot of problems similar to your sister, if you replace bulimia with a drug and alcohol problem. And it's really, really, really hard having an older sibling who you feel bad for... yet, you're really tired of being ignored.
I know how it feels. And sometimes, you're so pissed off and it really sucks that you have to deal with double problems because you have all of your sister's shit to add on to your own. But no one in your family seems to care, because they're off helping out with the sibling.
You can email me if you want:
meghan1213@comcast.net
You're not alone!!
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