New Me?

Well, here I am. I have made the big move out of home and into my dormitory. My room is actually a lot bigger than I thought it would be, and there is ample amounts of storage space, which is great because I seem to have an awful amount of crap. I don't have many pictures and stuff up on my walls yet, but I think I'll buy some magazines and cut pictures out from them and use that to cover the hard white painted concrete that makes my room resemble a camping block.

New room, new city, new me?

I didn't know anyone when I arrived here. It's the perfect opportunity to recreate myself if I so desire. I can leave crazy personality quirks and embarrassing secrets behind me, in my old life. Or I can use this opportunity to finally embrace who I am, and not be afraid to stand up for what I believe in and laugh at my own jokes. 

I think it is here that I will finally come of age.

Epic Bail

This could be my last post from this house. It won't be, because when I'm on holiday, I'll blog from here. But it's a much more interesting start to the blog.

I had my farewell on Saturday night. Drank too much, fell flat on my face in front of everyone, and then spent the next ten minutes cracking up about it. Now I have big bruises on my knees. It is possibly the funniest thing that's ever happened in my entire life. I bailed, epically.

Guess who didn't come? Isaiah. A friend I was talking to about it made me realise that I wasn't anyone special to him. I was just another notch on his belt. I'd always felt that maybe I was different to the other girls he'd cheated on his girlfriend with, and it took a drunken deep & meaningful for me to realise that I was nothing. As strange as it sounds, I was glad to finally admit it. I also admitted to my friend that I felt like an idiot, and he kindly told me that I wasn't an idiot, I was just stupid.

I had a fantastic night, and I'm looking forward to the new opportunities that are going to be presented to me in a new city.  Stay tuned for more exciting (hopefully) adventures!

The Rihanna and Chris Brown Incident.

I am a huge fan of Chris Brown and Rihanna.

Correction: I am a huge fan of Rihanna. I was a huge fan of Chris Brown.

Domestic violence is something I do not condone, in anyway shape or form. When I found out about the allegations against Chris Brown, I was shocked. His song Forever used to make me smile whenever I heard it. Now I just feel sad and angry.

Although what has happened is terrible, it can have a silver lining. It has shed light on domestic violence, showing that it doesn't just happen in poor households, that it can happen to anyone, no matter how famous or successful you are. If Rihanna doesn't go back to him (as I hope she doesn't), she is showing to women across the world that you can get out of it.

This piece isn't very well written, but I find it hard to express what I'm feeling over this issue. 1 in 4 women suffer from domestic violence, and I hope that Rihanna can become a beacon of strength to these women.

Coming of Age

We all have moments in our lives that are synonymous with growing up. I think women especially have these.

For me, one of these moments sticks out more than any of the others. It wasn't getting my first period or kissing a boy. It was the day I bought my first 'proper' wallet.

I know this sounds silly, but I had always associated having a certain kind of wallet with age.

When you're little, you have a little purse that holds the coins you get each week for pocket money. When you bought something, you would carefully open it and count out the treasured coins that you'd been saving for weeks one by one.

As you got a little older, you moved on to the fold up wallet. I don't know it's proper name, but you folded one flap in, and then closed the other flap on top, sealing it up with a Velcro strip. You felt cool with this wallet, as it could house the notes that you now received on a weekly basis from your pocket money increase.

I think I was maybe sixteen when I decided it was time to 'grow up.' I remember pulling out my Velcro wallet one day, and I was a little embarrassed. I felt immature as I ripped it open, the familiar tearing sound no longer a sign of growing up, but now a sign of being young and out of the game.

I decided to upgrade to what I call a 'lady wallet.' It probably has a real name, but it's flat and wide enough to house your much bigger notes without folding them. It has a zip pocket to store the coins that now seem to be insignificant, and multiple slips to to hold your masses of cards - the cashflow card, the Video Ezy membership card, the 'buy five, get one free,' coffee card and the shoe loyalty card. You feel a lot more mature with this wallet. To you it's a statement of your coming of age. 

Even if it is bright green.

You Go, Girl.

I texted Isaiah a few nights ago. I apologised for being a bit too harsh in telling him to make up his mind. He told me not to worry about it.

"Sometimes you say things like that and I feel like you're keeping me in a 'just in case' box or something," I replied.

And he didn't text back.

So now I won't text him until he texts me. Because the fact he didn't reply makes me even more inclined to think that I was in his just in case pile. Not anymore, buddy.

Oh, by the way. Those pictures were taken during the hottest on record day in 137 years. The overnight low was a record high of 22.5 degrees. Which isn't that hot. But it is when you combine it with 100 % humidity. I really was melting.

I Know I Said I Wasn't Going to Take Anymore...

But it's so hot here. It's 100 % humidity. So, I just took my clothes off, damnit.

Over It

Well now I'm over him.

He finally texted me, and I made us talk about what he'd said. "Maybe I didn't mean it." I didn't think he had. But then... he seemed to change his mind. "I just don't want to regret anything," is very different to "I didn't mean it." At least it is in my world. I got sick of feeling like he was keeping me around in his 'just in case' box - or as cruel as it is, I got sick of feeling like I was there when he needed to escape from his new life, without him admitting to it.

So, I snapped.

"Actually, you know what Isaiah? Text me when you know what you want from me. All the options are open. I just wish you'd make up your mind so we can get on with it."

I kinda wish I'd left off the last part, but too late now.

And guess what? No text.

The Dangers of Drunken Texts.

There's nothing more stupid than getting drunk and sending text messages. Well, there are quite a few things that are more stupid than that, but this is the stupidest thing I've ever done.

I got drunk with Ashlee last night, and we had a deep and meaningful about love and life. I shared that I wished I'd gone further with Isaiah that night, and that afterwards I felt as though maybe I should have done something with my hands, rather than just him with his.

I then decided that it would be a good idea to text him that and share. The following is an extract from our text messages.

SS: I regret not going further with you that night

IS: Really?

SS: I'm sorry, I'm drunk. I shouldn't be texting you

IS: Good call.

SS: I still want to hang out with you next week without it feeling weird.

IS: It won't. You'll still be my friend in the morning

SS: I'm drunk. I'm sorry for telling the truth. Because it's not something that's possible, and I shouldn't have brought it up with you.

IS: Well guess we're just in two different worlds.

SS: I guess so. I don't want you emotionally anymore, but I still want you physically.

IS: Feelings don't have to be involved, do they?

WAIT. Hold up. What? What does that mean?

SS: What do you mean about feelings not being involved?

IS: Haha, nothing.

SS: No, tell me.

IS: No, you're drunk.

SS: I'm sobering up pretty quickly right now. You have to tell me what you meant!

IS: I just meant that feelings don't have to be involved, right?

SS: What are you saying? What do you want?

IS: I don't know. What do you want?

SS: Tell me what you want! Be honest. I won't judge you. I won't think anything differently.

IS: I honestly don't know what I want? I hate the way he turns things like that into a question, as if I'll be able to answer it.

SS: Do you want more than friendship? Do you want friendship with perks?

IS: Perks?

SS: Like... what he had? Did. Or is it something else you want?

And then he decided he was tired and had to go to sleep.

What. The. Fuck

Broken Rules of Friendship.

There are a whole bunch of unwritten and written rules of friendship, and within everyone's groups, the rules vary slightly.

To me, though, there is one rule that I think stands out above all others. To me, it may as well be in the Ten Commandments:

Thou shalt not date thy best friend's ex unless permission has been granted.

This rule has been broken in my circle of friends. Take friend A, who I shall call Cassie. She was in a relationship with Jono for just over two years. In November, he broke up with her, and she was devastated. Friend B, whom we will call Trish, helped both parties through the breakup. Then Trish and Jono start spending a lot of time together. At first, Cassie doesn't mind. But then, she starts to feel uncomfortable with just how much time they are spending together. Cassie decides to share her feelings. Trish and Jono are rude to her, and say that she's paranoid.

Lo and behold, barely a MONTH after the end of this relationship, Trish and Jono get together, depsite Cassie's feelings. How's that for a slap in the face?

I only just found out about this, and I wanted to stay out of it, because it isn't anything to do with me. But I couldn't. I believe that Trish has broken the most basic rule of friendship. If I were Cassie, I would feel betrayed. Trish helped her through the breakup, and then turns around and stabs her in the back, and accuses Cassie of being 'paranoid.' Obviously with good reason.

This incident has made me realise how strongly I feel about friends dating other friend's exes.

Internet Woes

The Internet is a wonderful thing. It enables us to do pretty much anything, and become pretty much anyone. Take this blog for example. I could be, for all you know, a 40 year old male who still lives with his mum. I'm not - I'm an eighteen year old girl (but I do still live with my mum and dad) - but you could never really be sure.

The Internet has allowed for us to stay in contact with people we've met or old friends from high school, through things like Facebook and Bebo. I love these websites. In fact, last week I met a guy from Canada. I then found him on Facebook, sent him a message and lo and behold, he adds me, and now we chat semi-frequently on the site's chat system, even though he's back in his home country.

What worries me, though, is that we're going to make less of an effort to actually stay in touch. This is something I hadn't really thought of until I began to pack my things for when I move in three weeks. Sure, I'll leave my friends a message, and catch up with them through chat, but will I ever physically meet them again? Will saying 'happy birthday' on Facebook replace a greeting in person? Will I feel that by 'dropping them a line' online that I've done enough to maintain the friendship? And will my friendships thus become hollow and pretend?