Eighteen Candles (All Burning Brightly)

Eighteen. This is a big age in my country. I can now legally rent porn, buy alcohol and cigarettes and vote in elections.

To me, eighteen seems insignificant. I had been really looking forward to it at one stage. I'd planned a big party for all my friends, and was going to get absolutely trashed in town. So much has happened to me this year, however, that turning just another year older seems like a tiny detail.

This year started well. I was elected prefect at my school and really got involved. I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but at the moment, I didn't mind. My world came crashing down when Mum found out that she had a lump in her breast. The thought that my mum could have something as devastating as breast cancer tore me up. I was strong for Mum, but inside I was heartbroken. I immediately started thinking about what I would do without her. Or rather, what I couldn't do without her. I never realised how much I love her until the magic 'C' word entered my vocabulary.

Mum didn't have cancer, but we never really got the chance to celebrate her good results because just two days after the news, we spent eight hours in hospital waiting for her mother to pass on. She's suffered from a massive stroke when she was out in her garden. I said goodbye to my Nana as she lay on her side in the hospital. I'd like to think that she heard me.

What broke me up the most, I think, was seeing my grandfather and mum so devastated. My Granddad was a farming man, he's tough and although affectionate, I'd never seen him cry before. He held Nana's hand until her heart stopped beating, and then kissed her goodbye. They'd been married for nearly fifty years, and he still loved her as much as he did on their wedding day.

My Uncle then had a heart attack, and my aunt is currently battling bowel cancer. These events don't upset me nearly as much, but stacking them up against all else I've been through this year makes for something almost unbelievable.

Other things have happened to me this year that aren't nearly as dramatic. I made some mistakes - hooking up with that guy from the army was probably my biggest. I wasn't even attracted to him, and when he left I couldn't believe what I had done. He then tried to act as though we were together. He called me his bitch when I occasionally spoke to him on the phone, and after awhile I got sick of him. When he tried to make me feel guilty about not taking him as my partner to the school ball I snapped and told him to fuck off. Although maybe I was harsh, I don't regret my decision to break off that friendship. He clearly wanted a LOT more out of it than I did.

I also had a boyfriend for about... three weeks. It wasn't an impressive amount of time, but at least I wasn't single all year. I've had some other good times, hooking up with another guy who went away the day after. I can't say my year has been devoid of male contact. Although I am craving some male attention at the moment.

I've also found a direction in life. For the meantime, at least. My parents helped me, and now that I know what I'm doing next year, I'm less stressed about my exams and life in general. This year's been a year of changes and growing up. I'm ready to grab eighteen by the horns and throttle it a bit.

I'm not celebrating much today. My mum's gone down to my aunt's to help her recover, but this weekend I'm hitting the town. 

So that's my birthday blog. Let's raise our glasses to ME.

Birthday?

It's just over a month until I'm eighteen. I'm not that excited, as I'll still have to go to school, do exams and work. I'd like to think that it'll bring me something new, but the reality is it probably won't.

We've booked a restaurant in the city for my party, but I'm not sure if I want a big party anymore. I'm going to go out clubbing no matter what, so maybe I should be doing something more symbolic, different and exciting to mark the big one eight?

My thoughts as to what I could do are as follows:

• Bungee jump or do something equally exciting
• Mum said they might be able to give me the money that it would cost for the party and I could put it towards a trip
• Go on a day trip
• Go on a shopping trip

So far I like the thought of a trip or jumping off a building the most.

Eighteen Things, the List

A friend (who is quickly becoming one of my closest friends) and I sat down and made the list. We turn 18 within a month of each other, but figured that if we got a headstart it didn't matter too much. We also want to try and do as many of these things as we can together. They are numbered, but aren't really in any particular order.

1. Hookup with someone hot
2. Plan a trip overseas
3. Get picked up at a club
4. Pick someone up at a club
5. Host an awesome party
6. Do something crazy (eg bungee jumping)
7. Go on a road trip
8. Go to a strip club
9. Go to a day spa
10. Smoke pot
11. Drink before we go to school/uni
12. Take part/go watch Boobs on Bikes
13. Take a leap of faith
14. Skinny dip
15. Buy sexy underwear
16. Go into a sex shop and actually look around
17. As for a that we like's number (or to go to coffee etc if we already have his number)
18. Same someone's life

We completed number 18 today. We both gave blood, which saves three people's lives every time you do it. It was totally worth fainting afterwards.

Eighteen for Eighteen

I want to compile a list of Eighteen things to do in my Eighteenth year. I turn eighteen in October, so I've started it just a little bit late, but I suppose I have until I turn nineteen to try and complete them. The only problem is that I'm not really sure where to start. I've got a few things down (see below), but I'm not really happy with them. I guess this will have to be an ongoing thing. If you've got any ideas, I'm keen to hear them.

1. Hook up with a really hot guy. Or at least a guy with an incredible body.
2. Buy alcohol legally.
3. Vote.
4. Feel satisfied - truly satisfied - with something I have achieved.
5. Do something crazy, whether it be something I'm scared of or something that will shock everyone else.

Seventeen Candles

Once upon a time there was a sixteen year old who was ignorant, naive and hiding behind an exterior of constant positivity. Then, something strange and completely random triggered a change in her. On this, her seventeenth birthday, she decided to explore her year...

'I turned sixteen and thought my life would change dramatically. I hold the belief that seventeen will be different. Being sixteen would bring me romance, excitment, and maybe a little bit of danger. It hasn't exactly brought me any of that, and certainly not romance. There were many instances where I thought my luck in that department would change -such as getting a job, going out more - but no. I don't mind, though. I don't need a guy to define who I am.

Throughout the year, I've become more comfortable with who I am and what I believe in. I still have not sucumbed to the peer pressure that surrounds youth - I still don't drink, and I don't do drugs. My former best friend began to dabble in such things with his 'scene' friends. Then he lost his virginity whilst drunk to a girl who's name we couldn't recall. I began to realise that my best friend wasn't the type who did practically everything I was morally against. We soon began to drfit a part. I tried to salvage out friendship, but then realised that it wasn't worth it, and I can honestly say that we aren't friends any more, and that I odn't mind.

I don't care what people think of me. If I'm not good enough for them, then they aren't good enough for me. I used to take criticism personally, but now I can shrug it off or learn from it. I've learnt that some people aren't worth the effort, and others are.

One of the highlights of being sixteen was starting Sixteen Secrets. This blog has allowed me to bare my soul - and skin- without being judged or having to feel ashamed. I was inspired after reading about College Call Girl in a magazine. I checked it out online and saw her baring her soul through the power of anonymity. I wanted that power as well, and so Sixteen Secrets began. I hope to continue it for much longer and hope that my readers will stay witrh me and read as I (hopefully) fall in love, lose my virginity and live life to its fullest...'

Her teacher, who could sense the change, assured her that she would be fine and that she would come out of this time a wonderful human being. And she will. She will continue to grow and develop until she finds out exactly who she is.